I had a raw conversation with a client last week about the subversive nature of mediocrity taking over his business of late. His culture is beginning to erode and he was settling for less than what he was worthy of expecting & requesting.
We got into a deep self-leadership conversation on the concept of settling.
When you “settle,” you’re accepting significantly less than you want, because you don’t think you can get what you want, you don’t think you are worthy of getting what you want or you have this story in your head that says, “I should be grateful for what I already have!”
First, you can be grateful for all the good blessings in your life and still want to reach a new goal or fulfill a new desire. It doesn’t make you ungrateful.
One of the most common stories we tell ourselves that causes confusion is that you can’t be grateful if you still want more. Feeling grateful and wanting more are often misinterpreted as competitors when they are not. If you appreciate what you have and you’re still longing for something different, it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re feeling ungrateful. It could be an indicator you’re unfulfilled. When you’re feeling grateful, you’ll notice and appreciate what is happening. When you’re feeling ungrateful, you’ll notice and be displeased about what is not happening. When you’re feeling fulfilled, you’ll experience pleasure in the life journey you’re on and possess a sense of purpose that the life you are living is of significance. When you’re feeling un-fulfilled, you’ll experience an absence of pleasure in the life journey you’re on and a lack of purpose.
Choosing to not settle doesn’t take away from the gratitude you can experience about your current blessings. Wanting to live a life of even greater pleasure and purpose doesn’t compete with your ability to notice and name your current blessings. Recognizing your longing to maximize your human journey will simply free you up to both appreciate your present existence and honor your desire to continue to create a life of even greater joy and meaning.
Second, when you settle, you truncate your potential to lead a more pleasurable & purposeful life. You also truncate your ability to have a greater impact on those around you. If you’re struggling with worthiness, I want to remind you, you are worthy simply because you are here. You are worthy of wanting to live to your highest potential. You are worthy of living a highly pleasurable and highly purposeful life.
Third, if you’re currently settling, I encourage you to explore why. Do you not feel worthy of asking for more? Do you judge yourself as ungrateful or think others will judge you? Take a moment to explore the why behind your willingness to accept less than what your heart desires.
- Where in my life am I settling?
- What is driving me or causing me to settle? [What am I afraid will happen if I request or expect something better?]
- If I stopped settling and truly believed in my ability to elevate this part of my life, what might I gain? What positive ripple effects might occur?
To continuing to create a life of even greater joy and meaning.